If I Wrote a Pregnancy Manual....

it would have one chapter and it would go like this:

If you're having a baby during the summer months, kiss up to friends who have swimming pools.  Submerging your swollen body in cool, cool water will be blissful. It's the only time you'll feel like your old self.  Until your {ugly} maternity bathing suit stops fitting and then you'll have to find a new diversion -- like chocolate.

The end.